there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize