K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize