Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
