at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
