He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
