i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings