I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him