i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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