Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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