Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
