I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
