Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
