come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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