I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
