It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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