last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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