Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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