peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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