I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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