Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Only a mothe r could love this liver
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
