you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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