A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
