I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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