Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
