they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
