respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
