oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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