Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
