I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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