I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
