I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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