You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
