Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
