I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
