So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
