..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
