i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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