Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
