I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
