I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize