Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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