trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
