got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
