I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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