Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
