How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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