I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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