Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
