do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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