Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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