A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
