Dual....:-)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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