Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
