Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
