Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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