i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
