She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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