Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
