Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize