I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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