So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
