i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
