I haven't been this sober since birth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this hospital has no fireball
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
