DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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