they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
